I’ve always hoped that everything happens for a reason. I’ve even thought that maybe we aren’t as free as we’d like to think. Merely dancers dancing the cosmic dance predetermined for us by some unseen choreographer or y’know whatever. I met you as my life was being ripped apart and through the tear I saw you standing there. I didn’t think much about it at the time. Michael Jackson had just died. I know, that was an eternity ago. It feels like it at least. All I know is I wanted to drink and dance to the king of pop. I kissed you in the hall. We danced and went clubbing and somehow I woke up with you in my bed. I will never forget your radiant golden hair and soft smooth skin in the morning light. You snubbed me later. I called and asked you out and you blew me off. Leaving me dangling with a maybe. I guess you were conflicted with a boyfriend back home. I was just a travel fling which is just despicable yet I was infatuated by your free spirit. It was your birthday so I foolishly poured my heart into making you a birthday card. You wouldn’t see me. You left without me being able to give it to you. I figured that was it. You were after all, out of my league. I had plans for a weekend snowboarding at a club field called Temple Basin. This place was almost magical. There were green and red parrots everywhere. You pay to stay there at the mountain and your meals are included and there were no lifts just cables attached to tractor engines that you would latch on to using a harness called a nut cracker. This would pull you up most of the way where you would hike where ever you liked. There was no out of bounds, no ropes. Off piste is what it’s called. I tried to tag along with some guys who looked like they knew what they were doing. They had shovels and avalanche receivers. It was beautiful. I followed my new friends down some rolling slopes. Suddenly I was on ice and did not like that all I could see below me was a drop. I didn’t know how high I just knew I wanted to get out of there. So I removed my snowboard to begin to hike out. As soon as I did I started sliding. Faster and faster. I slid thirty feet before I reached the ledge which I launched off with enough momentum to narrowly miss the jagged rocks jutting out the ice waterfall I was falling down. This was my first clue. See it was all so lucky. Sometimes I think that if I had actually survived I would have at least been injured. After I dug myself out of the snow below the waterfall with some help I was struck by my own mortality. I knew my time was short. I knew I had to make the most of it. I also knew I’d fallen completely in love with you. I knew it but I respected that you didn’t feel the same. Until, that is, at that very moment you sent me a message that my roommate had told your sister that I’d made you this elaborate birthday card and no one had ever done anything like that for you. You said you wanted me to send it to you in the mail. So I did. You called me and the first thing you said was that you loved me. You said, I love you. We chatted and flirted for months after that. We lived so far from one another. We talked about seeing each other when we could. I wanted to save every text message. I was so into you. You were so into me. Then out of the blue I won a free ticket to your city all the way across an ocean. It was magic. When I saw you it was electric. I’ve never loved so hard. Then it all fell apart. We don’t talk now and I don’t get it. I still don’t get it. Was all this set up so meticulously and perfectly and I simply screwed it up? I think about you everyday. I ask, what was the point?
D1S4ST3R0US
1 month ago
